I recently read the blogpost titled “Marriage isn’t for you” (http://sethadamsmith.com/2013/11/02/marriage-isnt-for-you/). I shared this post after reading it because I think this man’s raw testimony of realizing how wrong he had been approaching marriage is beautiful, convicting, and important. A few days later I read a blog post written in response to the first titled, “Marriage isn’t for you – it’s for Jesus” (http://theeverlastingfallout.com/marriage-isnt-for-you-its-for-jesus/). I enjoyed this post because it brought the first post to the next level, it guided the focus of marriage back to Christ – which is also beautiful, convicting, and important.
As I thought about the two posts I felt the need to process how they work together to provide a well rounded approach to healthy marriage – so I figured I would write my own blog post about it! Although I liked many elements of the second post, I had some issues with it. If I were you, I would read the two posts above first.
The bible is clear that marriage is meant to exemplify the union of Christ and his church. As the second post pointed out by referencing Ephesians 5 “’a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh [be married].’ This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”, this biblical expectation of marriage holds a lot of responsibility. It is fundamental to what should be guiding and instructing two people who are committed to Christ and their marriage. It means that my husband and I cannot make decisions purely for our own well-being. It means that we are to be focusing on the eternal aspects and using our decisions and our marriage for the benefit of the church and the community where we have been placed. I take this very seriously. I can see the impact of unhealthy marriages on the children I have taught, on the communities I have lived in, and in the relationships with friends I have been in over the years. I know that the cultural expectations and ideas of marriage have been being altered and changed, ultimately pushing Christ further and further out of the picture, which is evident through the data concerning split homes and marriage practices of people around our nation. Teaching on keeping Christ the center of a marriage is very important, and has been on my heart for a long time – but it is also important to allow room for practical revelation like that of the first post.
Seth Smith’s post on marriage being other focused is also Christ like in essence. The bible has a whole book devoted to the beauty and joy a God-centered relationship should bring (check out Song of Solomon – you may blush). It is also full of verses throughout the Old and New Testament that stress the importance of cleaving to your spouse and loving them fiercely: Genesis 2:22-24; Proverbs 18:22; Deuteronomy 24:5; Matthew 19:4-6; 1 Corinthians 7:1-16; Hebrews 13:4-7. Sacrificial love can be seen best through what Christ did on the cross, but it should also be evident in our marriages. I believe what this post did well was express what sacrificial love for the spouse God has given you should look like. It provided a testimony of a man who was living for himself and realized what the gift of marriage truly is – an opportunity to love another as Christ loved his church. He may not have meant his blog to be seen biblically at all, but it truly holds some crucial elements concerning marriage period as well as biblical marriage.
My husband would agree that I am a person who can get very hung up on the legalistic aspects of life (especially faith). More often than not I find myself worrying about the logistics of how something should be said rather than focusing on the heart behind it and the emotion tied to the message. I find myself forgetting to revel in the joy of what God has given me here on earth, one of these things being my marriage to Gabe. I think when it comes to marriage we have countless examples of how it isn’t working – both in the church and out of the church. What Seth Smith did so eloquently in his post was present an opportunity for spouses to slow down from the chaos and fear that can grip a marriage so bound by today’s culture and world to focus on the other person. To focus on the person that God allowed them to “become one” with. To be utterly taken in by the beauty and joy that comes with loving another person as Christ has called husbands and wives to do. I do not think that this should be taken lightly or pushed aside – in fact I think it goes hand in hand with allowing Christ to be the center of your marriage. This is where I saw some error in the second post. One statement in particular, “According to God, marriage isn’t about you, your spouse, your kids, or your family. It’s not even about being “better together” and serving more people,” did not resonate with me. We serve a personable God. A God who sees us, loves us, and guides us individually. All throughout the bible we see examples of God calling people towards specific communities, churches, and even people. For this reason, I would argue that God absolutely wants us to focus on the health and well being of our spouse as a high priority and a means for displaying his love for his church. There are also countless verses (ex. 1 Tim 5:8), especially in Paul’s letters, that stress the care of ones family as crucial to a Christian walk – therefore I will also argue that the well being of ones’ family is also a prominent goal of marriage.
Yes – Christ must be the center in order for a relationship to function as it should, but we also must learn to place the other before ourselves in our marriages. Legalism will do no good for marriages in America or anywhere else, only the grace of Christ has the power to change the route marriage is on in the 21st century. Christ IS the reason for marriage, and he is calling us to rise up as examples of what it looks like to love another well. These two posts have provided me with a means for doing this: allow Christ to be the center of your marriage by loving the other person as he loves his church.
Our reality is messy. It’s full of real life.. Our house is very lived in. Our laundry area generally has more dirty clothes than clean. Our friendships, no matter how intentional we are, come with drama and heartache. Our families are far from perfect and impossible to predict. But we are loved, employed, called, and happy. We have a home with a blossoming lilac bush, green grass, and lawn chairs. We have a love that started 7 years ago with a conversation under the stars as 15 year old kids. I wouldn’t trade this real life love story for anything.
Everyday Beauty 